How to Manage Anxiety

Understanding the science behind our emotions and learning healthier ways to respond.

Have you ever found yourself cleaning the house, scrolling through your phone, reaching for a snack, or keeping unusually busy just to avoid thinking about something uncomfortable?

We’ve all been there.

Sometimes it’s grief we don’t want to face, anger we’re afraid to express, fear about what might happen next, or worry that just won’t quiet down.

Here’s the thing: Most of us aren’t afraid of having feelings. We’re afraid of what might happen if we allow ourselves to really feel them.

But what if those uncomfortable emotions aren’t the enemy? What if learning to understand them, rather than constantly trying to escape them, could actually help us feel calmer, healthier, and more connected?

Why Do We Avoid Difficult Emotions?

Our brains are wired to help us survive, and part of that job involves recognizing potential threats.

The amygdala, a brain region involved in detecting emotionally significant information, helps activate our stress response when something feels threatening. Meanwhile, the prefrontal cortex helps us evaluate situations, regulate emotions, and make thoughtful decisions.

The interesting part? Our brains don’t respond only to physical danger. Emotional experiences like rejection, uncertainty, conflict, and loss can also activate stress-related systems.

So when difficult feelings arise, our instinct may be to escape them.

We distract ourselves. We overthink. We shut down. We stay busy. Sometimes we tell ourselves, “I shouldn’t feel this way.”

And while avoidance may bring temporary relief, repeatedly pushing emotions away can keep us from understanding what needs our attention.

Your Emotions Aren’t Just in Your Head

Ever notice your shoulders tightening when you’re anxious? Your stomach turning before a difficult conversation? Or how grief can leave you physically exhausted?

That’s because emotions are whole-body experiences.

When we perceive a threat, our sympathetic nervous system can activate the body’s fight-or-flight response. Stress hormones, including adrenaline and cortisol, help prepare us to respond.

You might notice:

A racing heart or shallow breathing
Tight muscles, headaches, or stomach discomfort
Difficulty sleeping or concentrating
Fatigue, restlessness, or irritability

These reactions aren’t imaginary. They’re part of the communication between your brain, nervous system, and body.

Occasional stress responses are normal and useful. But when stress remains elevated over time, it can contribute to sleep disturbances, digestive difficulties, cardiovascular strain, and other health concerns.

The goal isn’t to eliminate uncomfortable emotions. It’s to help our nervous systems recognize when we’re safe enough to slow down.

What Happens When We Stop Running?

Something important can happen when we allow ourselves to notice an emotion without immediately reacting to it.

We create space between what we feel and what we do next.

Research on affect labeling—the practice of putting feelings into words—suggests that naming emotions can help regulate emotional responses. Brain-imaging studies have found that labeling emotional experiences can be associated with reduced amygdala activity and increased engagement of prefrontal regions.

In everyday language? Sometimes saying, “I’m feeling anxious right now,” can help us respond more thoughtfully than simply fighting the anxiety.

And when we become curious about our emotions, we may discover what they’re communicating.

Anger might point toward a crossed boundary. Fear may reveal vulnerability. Grief reminds us that something mattered. Worry may reflect our desire for certainty.

Not every feeling is an accurate assessment of what’s happening, but every feeling deserves a little curiosity.

Five Ways to Make Room for Difficult Feelings

1. Name what you’re feeling.

Instead of saying, “I’m stressed,” try getting more specific. Are you disappointed, overwhelmed, hurt, afraid, or frustrated? Naming an emotion can help make it feel more manageable.

2. Notice where it shows up in your body.

Take a moment to check your breathing, shoulders, chest, or stomach. Physical sensations can offer clues about your emotional state.

3. Get curious instead of critical.

Replace “Why am I being so emotional?” with “What might this feeling be telling me?” Curiosity creates room for understanding without judgment.

4. Give yourself permission to pause.

Take a few slow breaths, step outside, journal, or reach out to someone you trust. You don’t have to immediately solve or act on every emotion.

5. Remember that feelings aren’t instructions.

You can feel angry without lashing out, afraid without automatically retreating, or sad without giving up. Emotions provide information, but you still get to choose your response.

A Free Tool to Help You Get Started

Sometimes the hardest part of managing our emotions is simply figuring out what we’re feeling and what we need.

That’s why I’ve created the FREE 5-Minute Emotional Check-In Worksheet, a simple, practical resource to help you:

Identify and name your emotions
Recognize how feelings show up in your body
Explore what your emotions may be communicating
Choose a healthy, compassionate next step

You don’t need to have everything figured out. Just start with a few minutes of curiosity.

Click to Download Your Free Emotional Check-In Worksheet

Feeling Is Part of Healing

Learning to experience difficult emotions doesn’t mean sitting in overwhelming feelings indefinitely or forcing yourself to revisit painful experiences before you’re ready.

Sometimes we need support, grounding, or a little distance before exploring what’s underneath.

Emotional health isn’t about feeling good all the time. It’s about developing the capacity to experience life’s full range of emotions without becoming overwhelmed or controlled by them.

And that takes practice, patience, and self-compassion.

So the next time an uncomfortable feeling shows up, perhaps instead of asking, “How do I make this go away?” try asking:

“What do I need right now?”

You might be surprised by what you discover.

Let’s Keep Growing Together

If this resonated with you, I’d love to stay connected.

Each month, I share practical mental health tips, relationship insights, encouragement, and resources to help you navigate life’s challenges with greater confidence, compassion, and connection.

Click to Subscribe to My Free Monthly Newsletter

Because sometimes the first step toward feeling better isn’t pushing our feelings away. It’s learning how to listen to them.

Lisa Locke, LMFT
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

Studies are showing that this year’s election is triggering a higher level of anxiety in more people than ever before. Many people are worried that our Democracy is at stake and they fear that our health, safety, and future are at risk. The barrage of negative campaign ads and conspiracy theories, in addition to increased isolation due to COVID-19 and continued racial violence and injustice, have all heighten the fears of many Americans. Besides worry and excessive fear, many people are also experiencing trouble sleeping, increased or decreased appetite, sadness, irritability, muscle tension, avoidance, trouble concentrating, and feeling on edge. These are all symptoms related to anxiety, depression, and acute stress. So how do you manage these symptoms? What do you do when faced with uncertainty? What do you do when you feel out of control? The best thing to do is to identify the things within your control and practice them to the best of your ability. Here are just a few:

• Take Deep Mindful Breaths – Focusing on the breath and deeply inhaling and exhaling relaxes the body and mind. Relaxation plays an important role in helping to regulate our emotional responses. Start by taking a few slow deep breaths. Inhale deeply and hold for 2 counts then exhale fully. Inhale and allow your belly to extend like a balloon filling with air then exhale as if you are letting all the air out of the balloon. You can even say to yourself the healthy things you are inhaling (i.e. peace, joy, love…) and exhale things you are releasing (i.e. worry, fear, anger…). Incorporating gratitude with each breath is also a helpful tool.
• Exercise Your Right to Vote – Voting matters and the ability to vote is within your control. Many people fought, died, and bled for this right and it is one of the ways to let your voice be heard. Voting is a powerful tool for expressing your desires and asserting your feelings. Advocating for yourself and others can lead to a sense of empowerment that contributes to overall health and wellbeing.
• Take a Break from the News – There is nothing wrong with staying informed. However, news reports often capitalize on what will win the most attention to increase ratings. These reports are sometimes speculative and fixate on threats that can arouse our nervous system. In order to reduce anxiety, it’s important to separate facts from fiction and take control of what information you take in. It’s also important not to feast on a steady diet of news but to take breaks and maybe watch a comedy or just turn the TV and other devices off altogether.
• Manage Your Expectations – Our expectations play a big role in our emotional responses. It’s important to have realistic expectations and those that are not tied to a specific and uncontrollable outcome. For example, if you are expecting a clear winner on Election Day and that doesn’t happen, the tension of uncertainty is prolonged. However, if you don’t expect it you can engage in other calming activities and stay grounded in the present, taking each day as it comes.
• Practice Good Self-Care – Some people falsely think of self-care as a luxury when in actuality it is ESSENTIAL. If you do not take care of yourself, you burnout, your immune system is compromised and you are unable to function in a healthy way. There are simple ways to practice good self-care like taking breaks, getting adequate sleep, eating healthy foods, exercising, going for walks, talking with friends, or listening to nature sounds or your favorite music. It’s also important to speak kindly to yourself and show yourself compassion. Speak comforting words to yourself as you might to someone you care about. How you nourish yourself is self-care and it helps to have a plan that you implement regularly.

If you are having difficulty practicing healthy coping strategies and your symptoms persist and cause distress, please contact a health care professional to help get you on the path to peace and wellbeing.

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Why We Avoid Difficult Feelings and How To Cope