Category Archives: Stress

Stress, Secondary Trauma, affect of violence in the news

“If it bleeds it leads” –but may also lead to Secondary Traumatic Stress for Individuals and Families

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Daily reports of violent acts, including police and video footage of shootings and killings, have left many people feeling angry, afraid and worried. Many African Americans and those in other minority communities have vicariously identified with the victims in several of these tragedies. This personal identification has led to feelings of hopelessness, shock and fear. A great number of people from various ethnic and racial backgrounds have cried out for justice, positive change and peace. And others have spoken out on social media under #BlackLivesMatter. Some have responded with #AllLivesMatter or #BlueLivesMatter. In the midst of all the controversy, what is evident is the deeply personal and systemic emotional pain. Even though many of us may not be directly involved in these horrific events and are just hearing about them and/or watching and re-watching them on TV or other media, we are emotionally affected. And some people experience more severe emotions than others. These common distressful reactions to hearing about traumatic events and the effects of watching horrific acts can often lead to Secondary Traumatic Stress (STS).

What is Secondary Traumatic Stress? Secondary traumatic stress is the emotional distress that results when an individual hears about the firsthand trauma experiences of another. Its symptoms mimic those of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Accordingly, individuals affected by secondary stress may find themselves re-experiencing personal trauma or notice an increase in arousal and avoidance reactions related to the indirect trauma exposure. They may also experience changes in memory and perception; alterations in their sense of self-efficacy, a depletion of personal resources, and disruption in their perceptions of safety, trust, and independence. [1]
What are some of the symptoms? This is a partial list:
  • Anger
  • Hopelessness
  • Insomnia
  • Avoidance
  • Sadness
  • Irritability
  • Poor Concentration
  • Aggression
Who Suffers? Everyone is at risk. Anyone who reads, watches the news or overhears conversations is vulnerable to STS. Couples and families and whole communities can be adversely affected. However, children, adolescents, parents and those in helping professions may be at greater risk. Risk appears to be greater among women and among individuals who are highly empathetic by nature or have unresolved personal trauma.
What are some solutions?
  • Increase Awareness of STS
  • Exercise and Good Nutrition
  • Stay Connected-prioritize personal relationships
  • Make a Wellness Plan
  • Psychotherapy
  • Practice good self-care
  • Create and/or participate in an accountability buddy system
We are all in this together. Ask for help when needed. Take periodic breaks from media. Take time to meditate. Nourish your personal relationships, your body and mind. Make personal wellness a priority.
“Love yourself, accept yourself, forgive yourself, and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things.” ~Dr. Leo Buscaglia
[1] http://www.nctsn.org/resources/topics/secondary-traumatic-stress

The Best Gift to Give at Christmas

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The holidays are here and I have no idea what to get my husband for Christmas. It doesn’t help that he tends to go shopping for himself right before Christmas, his birthday and father’s day which limits my choices and is the source of mild frustration. As a matter of fact, he just walked in from the mall with the very thing I was considering getting for him. Arghhh!

If you’re at all like me and hate crowded malls and sometimes agonize to find the perfect gifts for family and friends, then maybe you can sympathize. Today as I sat scouring the internet for gift ideas, the thought occurred to me that perhaps others are really struggling with this time-honored tradition of gift giving and receiving at this time of year. Or maybe some of you are worried that you will not receive the gift you are hoping for and have trouble trusting and waiting.

Gift giving and receiving, particularly during the holidays, can bring joy but can also be stressful. For some, the mere thought of what to buy someone can trigger anxiety, guilt, or even fear. For others, not getting a desired gift can lead to disappointment, anger, blame and arguments. On the flip side, sometimes being showered with gifts can trigger feelings of unworthiness and lead to shaming behaviors. Financial issues can add an additional layer of stress and shame to what is termed to be “The most wonderful time of the year.” So why all this tension and stress around something seemingly simple that can bring so much cheer? And what can be done to alleviate it?

Looking through the lens of the Restoration Therapy model, these distressful feelings can often be traced to our childhood. Did someone reject an expression of our love or violate our trust in our formative years? For me, I remember dreading participation in gift exchanges in elementary school. My family did not have a lot of money when I was growing up and there were times when the gifts I offered at school were ridiculed by peers. There were other times I spent more than I could afford and was disappointed with what I received. These experiences caused me to second guess myself and question the safety of gift giving in relationships. As a result, I learned to cope with feelings of inadequacy by shaming myself through unnecessary apologies and being negative. I internalized the sensed rejection of my gift or the unequal reciprocation to mean something was wrong with me. As an adult, sometimes when faced with gift giving or receiving I tend to experience the same dysregulating feelings of inadequacy and enact the same negative coping behaviors. This usually results in “perceived” criticism from others (i.e. “You shouldn’t have.”) which only feeds more into my feelings of inadequacy. In restoration therapy this pattern is referred to as a pain cycle. When we experience a violation of love or trust we create meaning about our identity and/or safety. This meaning we create drives our actions and influences how we cope. The way others respond to our actions feeds back into our painful feelings. So in essence it’s never about the gifts but what they represent to us based on our past pain. It’s about the meaning we attach to them and thoughts we create about ourselves. The good news is we can also create new thoughts and feelings to break the pain cycle.

A good place to start is by gifting yourself with love and compassion, recognizing your cycle of pain and practicing what Professor Terry Hargrave calls your peace cycle. This is done by following these 4 simple steps:

  • Say what you feel…I feel unworthy
  • Say what you tend to do when you feel that way…When I feel unworthy I shame myself by being overly negative and apologetic
  • Say your truth…The truth is I am worthy of love & acceptance and I love & accept myself
  • Say what you will do differently…Therefore I will give freely with joy without apology and accept gifts with gratitude

Although I’m still not sure what I will get my husband for Christmas, I am certain that as I practice my peace cycle my emotions calm and I’m reminded that the greatest gift is love. Love keeps on giving and for this I am forever grateful.

May you experience peace as you choose to give and receive the gift of love to yourself and others this holiday season and always.

Happy Holidays!